Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Life in Geezerville: Spatchcock Edition

I was looking at my favorite cooking program, America's Test Kitchen (ATK), and their Thanksgiving program had a new way to roast a turkey. They spatchcocked it. I know how to spatchcock a chicken--SO--when I saw a new recipe for a spatchcocked  turkey, I thought "why not?" That should not be too hard! I looked at the program several times and I thought I knew what to do.

I was wrong. Spatchcocking a turkey is HARD. First and foremost, turkey bones are not as tiny and fragile  as chicken bones. To spatchcock a chicken I've taken a pair of kitchen shears and cut up one side of the backbone and down the other side. Easy-peasy. The spine or backbone of a turkey, which needs to be removed when you spatchcock a bird, is thicker and has more connective tissue (and therefore tougher) than that of a chicken. My eighteen and half pound bird fought me every millimeter of its backbone. 

First off I tried my "normal" kitchen shears, which seem to go thru anything without a hitch. They just twisted and turned and did absolutely nothing. Next I tried my heavy duty kitchen shears which have never failed me in the past...and I made no progress once again. THEN I remembered that ATK did not show the chef spatchcocking the bird. The program just showed the beginning of the process and a nicely spatchcocked bird at the end. On the program, the cut was very smooth and tidy. There was NO way I could get a smooth OR tidy cut with kitchen shears. That meant I needed a saw or very sharp knife to do the deed. The electric knife came to mind. It's like a mini-hedge trimmer and I thought it might work. I found the electric knife and ever so slowly I scored the electric knife thru skin, meat, sinew and bone and the spine started to separate from the bird. It was a very slow process. The bird fought me the whole way. Eighteen and half pounds of turkey is a fairly big bird...and the weight of that bird seemed to get heavier and heavier as I plowed the electric knife thru the spine. After 20 minutes I had one side of the spine removed and it was time to start the other side.

Technically this should have been easier, but it was not. When the backbone was connected to the bird, the bird was stabilized...now the bird had a broken back. The bird was floppy (for lack of a better word), cumbersome and awkward (I know why ATK did not show the process). Ever so slowly, I carefully cut thru the back of the bird with the electric knife making sure I did not cut me. I did not worry about cutting myself on the first cut, but now the bird is not supported by the spine and it moved in unusual ways. Finally, it was separated. What a job. It takes about 5 minutes to spatchcock a chicken. It took me 40 minutes to spatchcock the turkey! 

The next part of the process was flattening the keelbone. Again, easy to do with a chicken and very hard with a turkey. I finally figured out how to get leverage on a slippery 18.5 pound bird and pressed down with all my might until the keelbone cracked. DONE. Whew...I did it.

Next job was brining the bird. Brining was a piece of cake. Spatchcocking was HARD. Breaking the keelbone was HARD. I was done with my task for the day.

The bird will brine in the fridge until Thursday morning when it will be cooked. IF the bird tastes great, I might consider spatchcocking another one--but putting a turkey in a large oven bag and roasting it, is easier. Spatchcocking a turkey is another way to cook a bird--but you have to weigh all the choices out there when cooking a turkey. It's nice to know that I'm still "with it" enough to learn new things. It's nice to know that I'm strong enough to do them too. I'll let you know how the turkey comes out on Thursday. Remember we're all in this together. 

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